I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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