what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
