Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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