Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
