we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
