I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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