So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You took a bar mat shot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
