You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
