I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
