I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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