Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm like, not good at living.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
