Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need to sanitize my soul.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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