I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
