At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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