had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
