i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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