you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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