i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
