Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
