maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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