She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
