Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
