Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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