Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i dont even know how to be here
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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