This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
