Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
