So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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