MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
