I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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