it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
