First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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