i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
