There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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