I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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