barbara walters just said penis...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
