I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
