so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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