I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
