i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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