im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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