wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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