You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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