Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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