i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
