I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
