Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
