you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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