Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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