My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
