It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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