dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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