i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
