i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
