so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
