I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
farters have to be the big spoon...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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