Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
