I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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