Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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