He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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