Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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