I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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