He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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