There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You dont lie about slip and slides
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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