her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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